I am an ocean

Today I saw this on Facebook and I started to cry.

Click over to read Christina Cook’s beautiful piece on motherhood, worry and being enough at SheLoves Magazine, too.

 

Four days before I leave, four days until my world is turned around again (I just know it), four days until my heart breaks open and apart over and over again, and I just feel so small.

This is too big a task for me.

I am one woman, and I love Uganda too much to let her down. Who am I to go there, to think I can help, to imagine I might be able to convey one tiny sliver of truth through story? Who am I to minister, who am I to teach? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing most of the time.

Help me to feel like an ocean.

But then I’m reminded: This trip isn’t about me. I know this. I know this. I forget this.

Feeling the gravity of it all, I wish instead of feeling crushed I would lean harder into the God who brought me here.

I am an ocean, because God pours into me until I can’t help but pour out, wave after wave, I draw it out and still there is more, more, more. He promises. His faithfulness proven, why is my faith so weak?

I feel small, because on my own I am that fly. I am inadequate, poor in spirit, worn down, not cut out.

But it was never about me. I am an ocean, because He goes before me.

Please pray that I will remember.

 

Linking with Heather.

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7 comments on “I am an ocean

  1. Prayers friend, now, then, and always.

  2. Sheri Sternke says:

    praying for you !!

  3. Tiffany says:

    Beautifully written. The imagery brought on by your words is incredibly meaningful. Best wishes to you on your journey!

  4. Tricia says:

    Thinking of you as you will most certainly help so many. You are indeed an ocean.

  5. This post is lovely. I just stopped by from Heather’s blog, but now I think I may poke around a bit. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing!

  6. Amber C. says:

    I stopped by from Heather’s blog, too, and this really is beautiful and honest. I will say a prayer for you, right now, that you will remember, regardless of how you feel (fly or ocean), who you really are because of whose you are. And one for me, that I, too, will remember… thanks for the reminder.

    • Amber C. says:

      Oh, also… you may find this blog interesting, about a mom of nine, many of them internationally adopted: buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com