Thursday, 8 December 2011
I am an ocean
Today I saw this on Facebook and I started to cry.
Four days before I leave, four days until my world is turned around again (I just know it), four days until my heart breaks open and apart over and over again, and I just feel so small.
This is too big a task for me.
I am one woman, and I love Uganda too much to let her down. Who am I to go there, to think I can help, to imagine I might be able to convey one tiny sliver of truth through story? Who am I to minister, who am I to teach? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing most of the time.
Help me to feel like an ocean.
But then I’m reminded: This trip isn’t about me. I know this. I know this. I forget this.
Feeling the gravity of it all, I wish instead of feeling crushed I would lean harder into the God who brought me here.
I am an ocean, because God pours into me until I can’t help but pour out, wave after wave, I draw it out and still there is more, more, more. He promises. His faithfulness proven, why is my faith so weak?
I feel small, because on my own I am that fly. I am inadequate, poor in spirit, worn down, not cut out.
But it was never about me. I am an ocean, because He goes before me.
Please pray that I will remember.