Practicing love until it’s true: Adoption as faith (guest post at Shawn Smucker’s place)

I turn my heart upside down trying to find the right emotion, desperate to feel what I thought I was supposed to feel, and all the time I’m hoping it doesn’t show on my face. I’m in the moment but outside it, I can’t believe it’s happening like this, I don’t know what we’ve done anymore, or why.

The photos of the moment show me beaming, couldn’t-be-happier, and if you squint a little, you can even believe it’s love at first sight. They look every bit like the “gotcha day” photos and videos I watched over and over before it was our turn. They represent everything I believed to be true and wasn’t. Not for me.

And though at the time I felt like a fraud and a failure, now I see I was doing it exactly right.


Friends, I’m crazy honored and excited to be guest posting over at Shawn Smucker’s blog today. He’s an inspiring storyteller and incredible writer, and he’s hosting a new series on adoption. Today, it’s my turn to share a small piece of our adoption story.

Join me there to read the rest of my story, and learn how I see “faking it” differently now.

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