Love thyself: Speaking truth to darkness

You’ve been here before.

The familiar weight, the heavy thing that’s bearing down. You don’t want to name it, give it a voice, speak it out for fear that this makes it real, animates it. You’re so sick of thinking about it, turning it over in your mind, battling it all the freaking day long, that the thought of speaking it aloud just makes you so tired. When will it stop? It is relentless, the constant thought like an addiction you can’t quit, and you don’t know how it got so powerful. You’re perfectly aware of what’s going on, though the root of it is still buried deep, but your body, your mind won’t quit until you’re worn down again, accepting defeat.

And so it begins to devour you from the inside.

You can feel the push, from God you suppose, to share it, to confide in the one who loves you best here, the one He’s given you just for this kind of thing. You know that allowing him to share your burden will lighten it, will give some relief.

You climb into bed and breathe in, out. You wonder if he can feel the weight of it pressing on your chest, you wonder if the swirling, brooding energy you bring into the room is as palpable, as real to him. You feel like you’re swimming in it. You lie in bed, side by side, and you take a breath to speak, then breathe it out in a sigh. That moment gone, you wait for the next wave. Eyes open in the dark, you can hear his breath becoming more steady, regular. You know it’s got to be now. With sudden urgency, you know you can’t carry it one more day.

In that moment, you decide to love yourself better. To look at yourself as a child, to view your struggle as your own parent. You know what’s best for you. The child fights it, but love wins.

And you open your mouth, speaking truth to darkness.

 

Linking with Momalom and Heather as I Just Write, another exercise in just getting it out. She’s right — free writing feels really good. Try it yourself and join us there.

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6 comments on “Love thyself: Speaking truth to darkness

  1. Beautiful write. Exposing the truth when we speak words out loud – so freeing. Just lovely.

  2. imene says:

    Words free us. i love how you decided to love yourself better, to think of oneself as a child.
    Beautiful post!

  3. Sara says:

    I’ve only recently learned the same lesson about parenting myself; sometimes it’s harder then parenting my own children

  4. Gretchen says:

    What a beautiful, heartfelt message. FANTASTIC post!

  5. Laurie says:

    That was really beautifully written. I’m in awe.

  6. Sarah says:

    This is really quite lovely. And if only we could all love ourselves like children…oh the world would be much kinder, methinks. This piece reminds me of what a great friend recently taught me about sitting in the uncomfortable and just letting it pass, knowing it will, and having the strength to quietly surrender to it.