Thursday, 4 February 2010
Fare thee well
It’s hard to believe that nearly two weeks has flown by, and now it’s his time to return home to our two other kids, to work waiting, to our merry-go-round life that he gets to hop back on again.
We’ve been like new parents again, meeting Benjamin together, spending hours staring at him together, sharing our hopes and our fears about this new stage in our life with each other. There’s been some running around and things to do, but we feel like mostly we have been on a vacation with a mission to get to know our new baby together. It’s been very sweet indeed.
And oh, I will miss him.
He has the magic touch when baby has a gassy belly. He knows how to make Benjamin laugh the hardest and longest. He takes his turn in the night when a small voice demands a bottle or a new diaper. He loves with abandon, and shows me the way to Benja’s heart. He has demonstrated once again what a treasure God gave me in him, as a husband and as a father to my children.
And when I felt like I would fall apart, he was there. He reminded me that my fears aren’t mine alone, and that I don’t need to be afraid to share them with him, to open myself to healing by being real and honest with him.
It’s one thing to be in Africa for the first time ever, adopting for the first time ever, and being with the one you love the most in the world to hold your hand through it. It’s another thing to go it alone.
Other women have done it and are doing the same thing right now, I told myself. If they can handle it, I can. And I know I will. It’s just the level of heartache I feel that I wasn’t expecting.
So fly home to our other babies, my love… and hopefully very soon, Benjamin and I will fly home, too — to all of you.