>”Satan has no more effective weapon in his arsenal than to make us question — not so much whether God exists, but whether God is really good. … For Satan to talk us into distrusting God and distancing ourselves from Him is to keep us broken, ineffective, and frankly, out of his hair.”
For too long, I have been ineffective and broken for this very reason. Tragedy and sorrow made me angry first, though I’ve held on to that, too — and just ultimately, finally, just not quite sure of God’s intentions. Or really — even his love. He seemed apathetic, distant. At first I thought about it all the time, but for a number of years now I’ve made a conscious decision not to think about it. Not to think about God’s intentions, not to think about his love (or apathy) for me, not to think about his dreams for me. Did he even have dreams for me?
Through a divine word shared through a friend this week, I saw a glimpse into God’s heart and ridiculous, outrageous love for me. For the last year, I’ve grown frustrated with my patterns, but I’ve been focusing only on symptoms and how to get rid of them, like self-control or body image issues. Those seemed manageable, like I could finally have it together if those things just went away. Through these words I heard this week, it was like God was saying, “yeah, of course I want you to be victorious over those things. But you haven’t even begun to see what I have dreamed up for you. Even through your sorrow, I’ve been helping you get ready.” As just one part of what I saw, just listen to this: he intends for me to have a lightness of spirit. A lightness! So all this weight, this burden — I’m amazed that he doesn’t want me to carry it. I’m still blown away by it. But even more amazingly, I can begin to imagine it. It makes sense. A lightness. Kimberly Joy, after all.
I’m trading my sorrows, day by day. I’m seeking, I’m thinking again and I’m finally open to healing. The beauty will exceed the ashes. God will redeem, and today is the day.